tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60671067323320814742024-03-12T16:46:35.693-07:00Mince & mullmusings on the art of food & the food of artHanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-22123250127908576692020-09-01T00:36:00.002-07:002020-09-01T00:36:48.041-07:00Silence = death<p><i> I wrote the following on June 23, 2020; I have been silent here for many years for practical reasons and this is what broke the silence:</i><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">So I’ve obviously had
some more time on my hands these days. More time means a bit more reflection,
but also much, much more in these last months to reflect upon. Probably a
little more than my psyche can handle at the moment. My brain is still trying
to catch up from the rewiring of becoming a parent, the overstimulation of
moving to a new country, and the pragmatic juggling of starting a new job. But
here I am, and you attend the things that are boiling over. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Being an American
feels more challenging than usual. It is my home, a place where my family was
saved, where I had the opportunities to thrive. But I have never felt
“American,” as the stereotypes and microaggressions would remind me, multiple
times on a daily basis. I am an accidental American, a citizenship that came
from the obligations of war. I have always felt like an American on the fringe.
An outsider. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">And perhaps this is
the crux of it: The US is full of Americans that make up the character of
America, yet they are treated as outsiders. We love to tell the American story
of self-invention and opportunity, one often told with an immigrant/outsider
protagonist. But how we lay claim to these stories while keeping the hero at
arm’s distance? Is this not hegemony controlling the conversation?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">What happens when
something you identify with—as complicated as that might be—is having an
identity crisis of its own? America is fighting for itself, again and
violently. I feel that impotence of being an American overseas at this moment.*
I am also so overwhelmed with all the shouting that I feel paralyzed. Black
lives. Police brutality. Slavery. Equality. Justice. Confederate flags. Riots.
Rape. Guns. I can’t breathe. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>*Of course, I am not.
I have all the privileges to express: I have the freedom and the voice to join
in the demonstrations; I have an absentee ballot to cast my vote; I have a bank
account to make donations.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-72454124813405199212015-05-12T16:29:00.000-07:002015-05-12T16:29:31.506-07:00ChangesIt's been a while since I've been here, or anywhere of note. I've asked a thousand questions, over and over again; the answers are both different and true, each time.<br />
<br />
I am still working on a creative life, though it's more quiet and internal. A very small percentage of my work ends up in the world for public consumption, anyhow.<br />
<br />
My focus has shifted, is shifting.<br />
<br />
I am 29 weeks pregnant. (Some things I've missed: tuna melts, yoga inversions, oil painting. Some changes I've found delightful: my beau waiting in a long queue of <a href="http://bpatisserie.com/" target="_blank">a trendy patisserie</a> to find treats for me, feeling my baby grow and move.)<br />
<br />
I've always struggled with the balance of a conventional and creative life. I worry that this struggle will become more acute, and that my creative life will be buried. During one of my times of battered internal dialogues, of raging
self-doubt, I found this essay from an artist.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://genius.com/Teresita-fernandez-on-amnesia-broken-pottery-and-the-inside-of-a-form-2013-virginia-commonwealth-universitys-school-of-the-arts-commencement-speech-annotated#note-4666655" target="_blank">Teresita Fernandez's speech at Virginia Commonwealth University</a> <br />
<br />
It may be a constant touchstone. I will read this and remind myself,<i> This is exactly where you are supposed to be</i>.<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"></span>Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-26608639696217508972015-01-25T09:48:00.000-08:002015-01-25T09:48:26.199-08:00PerfectionThe last six weeks have been transformative for many different reasons. Among them, I decided to give up my Mission studio. I have been cleaning, reorganizing, putting things away (a kiss of death for a working artist.) I have tried to take advantage of the remaining weeks to finish up some works in progress, but I have been paralyzed by sadness. <br />
<br />
I spent this morning in my home studio, organizing the space in preparation for the move back. I'm mentally reorganizing, too: I will have to begin again, in a completely different way. How do I proceed?<br />
<br />
Later in the day, I went to see an Arnold Newman exhibition at <a href="http://www.thecjm.org/" target="_blank">The Contemporary Jewish Museum</a> and encountered the photograph below (minus the copyright labels). I am in awe of its flawless composition.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs4GWYKKsgvgBDvLb7KBcZhROEQQV0KdduhINhgRFtCSHD_LxW7bzX559QvU_v-L_RBo29VdiI8Eb3EzuqLjImQayJRASQWJq1xfqKl1sodgbkKrBnTSctMmI_O6uy9YsYo_NjDWbK4WE/s1600/53466301.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs4GWYKKsgvgBDvLb7KBcZhROEQQV0KdduhINhgRFtCSHD_LxW7bzX559QvU_v-L_RBo29VdiI8Eb3EzuqLjImQayJRASQWJq1xfqKl1sodgbkKrBnTSctMmI_O6uy9YsYo_NjDWbK4WE/s1600/53466301.jpg" height="523" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From Getty Images, portrait of Franz Kline by Arnold Newman (1960).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I love everything about this photograph. Its line, light, contrast, emotion. It took me away from my preoccupations with painting, reestablishing a studio, the heavy contemplation of what lies ahead. Or perhaps it drew me in because I subconsciously identified with sitting in a bright studio, surrrounded by work and looking obliquely towards some vanishing apex.<br />
<br />
I recognize that the practice of art requires looking, experiencing, acknowledging. Being open to the slightest touch that may change the trajectory of your own inertia.<br />
<br />
I might be ready to begin again. Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-61227258886869512302014-11-29T22:24:00.001-08:002014-11-29T22:24:57.054-08:00You taste / the honey of absenceOne of my favorite poets, Mark Strand, died today.<br />
<br />
He wrote the lines that title this post; they are from his poem "<a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/179137" target="_blank">In Celebration</a>."<br />
<br />
I pull his books off my shelf and begin to reread.<br />
<br />
<br />Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-23699900713898931542014-10-08T11:22:00.001-07:002014-10-08T11:23:22.849-07:00#OrangeOctober<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
One of many ancillary reasons to love October baseball in SF <a href="http://t.co/F5oINc5hYb">pic.twitter.com/F5oINc5hYb</a><br />
— Michael Powell (@powellnyt) <a href="https://twitter.com/powellnyt/status/519899139480780800">October 8, 2014</a></blockquote>
<br />
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-70841525326225445762014-08-26T13:12:00.000-07:002014-08-30T08:12:15.500-07:00Companion<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://payload155.cargocollective.com/1/1/44503/5408712/FirstWeFall_002_2__905.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://payload155.cargocollective.com/1/1/44503/5408712/FirstWeFall_002_2__905.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Untitled 2 </i>(2013) by Clare Plueckhahn, from the "First We Fall" exhibition</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">"There is the hidden presence of others in us, even those we have known
briefly. We contain them for the rest of our lives, at every border that we cross." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;">—Michael Ondaatje</span><br />
</span>Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-1946666048151345442014-08-08T12:42:00.001-07:002014-08-08T12:42:54.788-07:00SimpaticoPerfectly stated, from Henry Rollins: <br />
<br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: large;">"I don’t get lonely anymore ... I do, however, get a feeling of hollowness now and then. A Camus/Beckett/Céline sense of futility that makes me want to walk forlorn like Harry Dean Stanton in the opening scenes of Wenders’ <i>Paris, Texas</i> on some kind of emo-quest for meaning."</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/0YMCWR8jzpU" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
Read Henry Rollins's full post here: <a href="http://www.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2014/08/07/henry-rollins-fake-city?showFullText=true." target="_blank">http://www.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2014/08/07/henry-rollins-fake-city?showFullText=true. </a>Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-70685013372475935202014-08-04T17:09:00.000-07:002014-08-30T08:14:04.632-07:00MemoryI just returned from a two-week, whirlwind trip. Experiencing new things hones all my senses in spectacular ways. I feel like my entire being opens up for an interval as I breathe different air, look at new art, speak different words, taste new foods, stroll different streets.<br />
<br />
Interestingly, these experiences also bring some memories, often forgotten and completely unexpected, back into my consciousness. It's like my mind, in trying to process the new information, forges back on dusty paths. The retraveling clears the overgrowth. The memory becomes sharp and forefront.<br />
<br />
"I had forgotten that," I'll often say.<br />
<br />
I remember an assignment for one of my painting classes. We were to paint a multipaneled work about a memory. I chose a tryptich, two panels in portrait format anchored by a long panel (shown below) running the length of the other two.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLYzahMmanfR7w7Jdutre88gHlcsLAXQjzXh6kpe7KR3aEYHPrSIEEjNeSoyZTRoKl0WallI4_FBA4V-d-q6zy8taqzPLNXxDerJDoTDyLClNTHtwP2VuXECxd3RlGsDqf_iIrZoLUoB8/s1600/Black+forest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLYzahMmanfR7w7Jdutre88gHlcsLAXQjzXh6kpe7KR3aEYHPrSIEEjNeSoyZTRoKl0WallI4_FBA4V-d-q6zy8taqzPLNXxDerJDoTDyLClNTHtwP2VuXECxd3RlGsDqf_iIrZoLUoB8/s1600/Black+forest.jpg" height="316" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bottom panel of <i>Fall 1996 </i>(2000). Oil on canvas, 30" x 15".</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My memory was about a boy. I painted the texture of grass, abstracted greens and browns. I depicted a wall and the bottom two-thirds of the <i>Breakfast at Tiffany's </i>movie poster<i>. </i>Finally, I painted (above) what I remembered of the Black Forest, the mystery and peace I felt while driving alongside it in the dead of December. During the critique, my instructor commented, "I love this assignment because the things that comprise memories are so arbitrary, so irrational, and yet they come together logically in one's mind." <br />
<br />
I have since separated the three panels of the tryptich. One panel hangs in our guest bedroom. Another got trashed during a move. The panel shown above is with a friend. I'm pretty sure he sees the painting differently from how I see it.<br />
<br />
And that's the point of memory, right? It's personal and flawed, an imperfect truth.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-83478731754235943412014-06-20T22:26:00.000-07:002014-08-30T08:08:59.606-07:00Intermission<span style="font-size: small;">Anyone who knows me knows that I have a very complicated relationship with time. Hours can pass in a blink when I'm working, but seconds are critical when I'm sprinting after a bus to take me to work. I'm always running against some clock, internal or standardized.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Currently, I'm reading Jeanette Winterson's "Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?" I've always enjoyed her work. I love her writing, her perspective, her insight on being a woman and being an artist. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: small;">A chapter—</span><span style="font-size: small;">or interlude—titled "Intermission" struck a chord.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">She writes,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>In my work I have pushed against the weight of clock time, of calendar time, of linear unravellings ... In our inner world, we can experience events that happened to us in time as happening simultaneously. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>... I recognize that life has an inside as well as an outside and that events separated by years lie side by side imaginatively and emotionally. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Creative time bridges time because the energy of art is not time-bound. If it were we should have no interest in the art of the past, except as history or documentary. But our interest in art is our interest in ourselves both now and always. Here and forever. There is a sense of the human spirit as always existing. This makes our own death bearable. Life + art is a boisterous communion/communication with the dead. It is a boxing match with time.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
I don't make art to have something that exists beyond myself. I make art to get to an essence of what being human means.<i> </i><br />
<br />Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-64733758051683811162014-05-25T10:44:00.000-07:002014-05-25T10:44:55.821-07:00SoI've been in postpartum from delivering a <a href="http://www.levisstadium.com/art" target="_blank">commission</a>. I've been regrouping, moving, reorganizing, reestablishing normal. Seeing friends and smiling. Practicing yoga.<br />
<br />
Finally, now, working again. For the past year, a new series of oil paintings has been percolating. I've been thinking about what motivates the series, what I hope to communicate in the work. I've also been doing research, experimenting with materials.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTNlBJNrGF06llVX0P94bujqNvJPHa-BdWgLVfXJQorvCm7J6WNSKCXTCJbm_lB9KOprCE6fW68GJnaAV0kxX6_s_gNDGP_7HcXihYr0aDUZqAVj6CQgBTOkjvHXMB2WydiUvP0_3rPA/s1600/Palette.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTNlBJNrGF06llVX0P94bujqNvJPHa-BdWgLVfXJQorvCm7J6WNSKCXTCJbm_lB9KOprCE6fW68GJnaAV0kxX6_s_gNDGP_7HcXihYr0aDUZqAVj6CQgBTOkjvHXMB2WydiUvP0_3rPA/s1600/Palette.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
I love this part of working. I love the learning and the discovery. I love making mistakes and forging ahead. The most difficult part is suspending judgment, allowing myself to stay in sustained play and exploration.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-8148944708012038492014-03-20T07:15:00.000-07:002014-03-20T07:17:11.844-07:00Spring<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Perhaps my wakefulness is from jet lag, but from a mere
3-hour difference eastward. Perhaps it’s because I’m starting to feel “normal”
again. Today marks the 79<sup>th</sup> day of 2014, and my year has gone like
this: 71 consecutive days of work, 7 days of vacation.<br />
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I feel like today could mark a new beginning. </div>
Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-36565951214878972382014-01-21T21:09:00.000-08:002014-01-21T21:09:43.433-08:00New space, old struggles<span style="font-size: small;">On November 2, I moved into a new studio. It took some time to
outfit my space so that I could begin to work. I trolled craigslist and garage
sales to buy a chair and two tables. I bought a new rug, two lamps for extra
light, a new drill to build my canvases; I sought wine crates to use as props
and bookcases. I engineered a low-tech way to display photos. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Then I began to work. It’s hard. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">For the past few weeks, I have been staring down a 48" x 84" canvas. I
get distracted by new noises, neighboring artists. I don’t have
bright, natural sunlight. Fresh air does not circulate well. I have a few
paintings hanging, but am not surrounded by past work, for reference and
inspiration. More importantly, I haven’t yet instilled creative energy into my
space—those new four walls—which comes with time.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I’m getting used to a new routine, being away from home for
most days, balancing working time with personal time, negotiating priorities
with my beau and family.
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I keep coming back to what working as an artist means. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">My studio is in the Mission, so I’m back to where I spent
seven life-changing, bittersweet years. I frequent a café where Adam used to drop
me off on his way to Palo Alto, where he would treat me to coffee and a giant
cinnamon roll for breakfast. When I go there now for my mid-afternoon break, often a few
cinnamon rolls—still from the same bakery—remain in the pastry case. With these familiar touchstones, I
feel at home here. But there are also enough changes that things feel new and scary.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I feel overwhelmed by these changes, all the feelings that
have been stirred up. I wish I could
talk to my artist friends about authenticity, working through the struggles.
I’m not talking about those people who easily self-identify as capital-A
Artists, but those who question it every day, even as they work.
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I recognize that these vulnerabilities can also be
strengths in my work. I make human marks; I make errors. Hopefully, I also make things that are real and raw.</span>Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-68804649307643164322013-12-07T21:41:00.000-08:002014-01-21T21:14:41.984-08:00Gratitude<style>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.happylifestyletips.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Yoga-Mudrasana.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.happylifestyletips.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Yoga-Mudrasana.jpg" height="251" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yoga Mudrasana, courtesy of happylifestyletips.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanksgiving is behind us, and we plow headlong into the
holiday season. As I have gotten older, Thanksgiving has replaced all others as
my favorite holiday. But why do we take only one day a year to pause and give
thanks? (It’s one of my favorite parts of a consistent yoga practice.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel grateful for a lot, but I don’t often share these
things outright. Speaking gratitude should replace the selfie. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To this end, I declare loudly: Today, I am thankful for the
ability to cruise around on my bike to clear my head; messy, authentic love; feeling
a bit out of my league.</div>
Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-74574981421625866712013-09-10T20:44:00.000-07:002013-10-30T12:51:20.379-07:00Running feet, restless handsMy grandmother used to say that we had “running feet,” limbs that kept us on the move, exploring the world. Indeed, they took us from home to school, from the park to the library, pedaling bicycles, chasing each other. My beau teases that I have “restless hands,” limbs that must be working on something at
all times. He’s right. A few times now, he has sat on my hands to keep them still. As an editor, I type all day long, for most days. When not clicking and clacking, I write with pen on paper. I paint. I knit. I sew. I
construct. I obsessively make things. When I talk on the phone, I doodle. On dry land, I practice cupping and angling my hands for the proper swimming stroke. <br/>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgShcEcdD1wSIvN8CS0fsflNZf7mpVcehKqr96eyFghOKCgrAWE9qsmKoTHxumzn8JVNNayD4UCzQh4kyZK6FuwNGmTz3_KxOYcA6UZAtLJZJvXEzQp4A3l1OdFOjEl1NdAw2FDFxDeGM/s1600/Self-portrait-hands.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgShcEcdD1wSIvN8CS0fsflNZf7mpVcehKqr96eyFghOKCgrAWE9qsmKoTHxumzn8JVNNayD4UCzQh4kyZK6FuwNGmTz3_KxOYcA6UZAtLJZJvXEzQp4A3l1OdFOjEl1NdAw2FDFxDeGM/s1600/Self-portrait-hands.JPG" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Self-portrait,circa 2000</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think my restless hands have nothing to do with muscle movement or a nervous tic. I don’t drum them to pass time; I certainly don’t run to scrub the toilet to give them something to do. Rather, my hands are my most immediate tools for expression, in all the forms that I choose. Some people use their voices. Others, their bodies. Mine are, without a doubt, my hands. <br />
<br />
I have not made something with my hands in over a week. They feel restless to create.
Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-53968282417036616172013-07-18T15:27:00.000-07:002013-07-18T15:32:06.874-07:00SimpleI'm feeling a bit out of sorts today. I have been trying to juggle too much lately, things out of my league and comfort zone. I feel unsure; I feel like a failure. These anxieties manifested themselves in my dreams last night, and I was plagued by nightmares. My beau heard my dream-state struggles and woke me gently. I heard his voice break through, "Shhh, shhhh. Babe, it's okay, it's okay."<br />
<br />
So for today, I am returning to simplicity. A quiet house. No one to get back to. Working with my hands. Thread. A simple nutritious meal.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijvOHWY2gEKfYsbffusKDoc2H9w7NiOzUKfjWpQb-g_ftoEJAF7UAaHSHIY90pdTMkEtVpl9974FEhSN98rcxyajVj5dowf5tljRM3TCX51M6mBGmius8xZb_sO4dMcKd-5hlh3Nsp0d4/s1600/Avocado+crostini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijvOHWY2gEKfYsbffusKDoc2H9w7NiOzUKfjWpQb-g_ftoEJAF7UAaHSHIY90pdTMkEtVpl9974FEhSN98rcxyajVj5dowf5tljRM3TCX51M6mBGmius8xZb_sO4dMcKd-5hlh3Nsp0d4/s1600/Avocado+crostini.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An avocado, an heirloom tomato from my parents' garden,
whole-milk mozzarella,<br />
whole-grain bread with flax seeds, great olive
oil, salt+pepper. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Is there anything more healing than feeling protected and being nurtured? In the midst of my anxiety, I do feel gratitude.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-51474927031492400662013-07-15T10:04:00.000-07:002013-07-18T15:27:27.947-07:00Today"If not for her intermittent returns to darkness—the body's insistence on life—she could have been on vacation, swimming in the sea, each stroke of her arms a complete philosophy."<br />
<br />
-Simon van Booy-Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-30411197041929858972013-06-15T11:16:00.000-07:002013-06-22T09:49:12.605-07:00Sealed, signed, delivered I spent the better part of 2012 in my studio. I painted and painted and painted, the result of which is a <a href="http://www.hangnguyen.org/paintings/resonance_series" target="_blank">21-painting series titled "Resonance."</a>
When I finished my last piece, settled in knowing I expressed all that I
wanted to for this series, I just had to sit and wait. Six months to a
year, for the oils to dry completely, before I could varnish the paintings
and introduce them to the world.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZH3T3XtD3BYNf5LKBAs2a8fCddCZX1eaclsPlS12bxL_onfpxWPXUwgyIGaOT_M3vXprtUQbe4UtBmuf46hOEGpnn6rMS6dKLpDYYU_fTR3ed59N93NUeL7QYDovI5m67KvLLCiwZRo/s1600/Signed+paintings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZH3T3XtD3BYNf5LKBAs2a8fCddCZX1eaclsPlS12bxL_onfpxWPXUwgyIGaOT_M3vXprtUQbe4UtBmuf46hOEGpnn6rMS6dKLpDYYU_fTR3ed59N93NUeL7QYDovI5m67KvLLCiwZRo/s1600/Signed+paintings.jpg" height="306" width="400" /></a></div>
Does this waiting
period make my work anticlimactic? Perhaps. Usually, it just gives me
some distance, to think about the work in another way. As the paints
dry, I mull over many questions. Am I happy with the work? Does it
satisfy my intentions? Do I have anything else to express? Is the series
truly done?<br />
<br />
I spent this morning varnishing the
paintings. Perhaps it was the toxic fumes from the mineral varnish, but I
felt excitement as I ran my brush once more over each painting. I got
reacquainted with each brushstroke, each seemingly random but very
intentional pencil mark, each little mound of built-up texture. In doing
so, I experienced a new kind of intimacy with the work, not unlike a
last meeting with a lover.<br />
<br />
When the varnish dries, I will handwrite the title on each painting before I sign it. As one of my quirky practices, I only sign the work when I'm ready to sell them. Somehow, writing my name on a painting signifies that they are mine, but ready to be another's. Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-76501436164139101052013-04-17T21:34:00.000-07:002013-04-17T21:38:06.112-07:00It's been a long time since I rock-and-rolledThese weeks have flown by. I can't account for the time.<br />
<br />
There are things one can't write, even if they are raw, stark truths.<br />
<br />
I swam in ocean waters to clear my mind, to breathe deeply, to taste salt on my lips, to understand the scale of my being.<br />
<br />
I got lost. I tried to understand what it would mean to others if I was lost.<br />
<br />
Last weekend, I danced.<br />
<br />
<br />Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-59453508904181284462013-03-01T21:26:00.000-08:002013-04-17T20:51:00.136-07:00Night swimmingI learned to swim properly five years ago. Prior to this, every entry into a body of water more than two feet deep was accompanied by sheer terror and a pep talk. "You will not die. Relax." Snorkeling with a friend in Hawaii resulted in me clinging to a craggy, volcanic rock as waves "violently" lapped around me.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9l9a5FQQ1vodzWQWIH_oqn1WryJHk0i28_KdNJQfp3UmAE96o6tEK3zUpmdA5O-moQjSB3zhlPgOBaS-khgiP4_rzceHwQKCOMpb-7InfGuoHH6LMspkkkj1X7RBLcCyARfwfECuI1Vc/s1600/Deep+dark+dark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9l9a5FQQ1vodzWQWIH_oqn1WryJHk0i28_KdNJQfp3UmAE96o6tEK3zUpmdA5O-moQjSB3zhlPgOBaS-khgiP4_rzceHwQKCOMpb-7InfGuoHH6LMspkkkj1X7RBLcCyARfwfECuI1Vc/s1600/Deep+dark+dark.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><br />
Now that I am a swimmer, I can appreciate the unique moving meditation that swimming offers. For me, much of this is due to the physics of sound under water. Everything is muffled except for the movement of air, bubbles escaping the echo chamber of my lungs and exploding. Often, when I swim laps, I close my eyes and allow my body to guide me. I think of night swimming.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9l9a5FQQ1vodzWQWIH_oqn1WryJHk0i28_KdNJQfp3UmAE96o6tEK3zUpmdA5O-moQjSB3zhlPgOBaS-khgiP4_rzceHwQKCOMpb-7InfGuoHH6LMspkkkj1X7RBLcCyARfwfECuI1Vc/s1600/Deep+dark+dark.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9l9a5FQQ1vodzWQWIH_oqn1WryJHk0i28_KdNJQfp3UmAE96o6tEK3zUpmdA5O-moQjSB3zhlPgOBaS-khgiP4_rzceHwQKCOMpb-7InfGuoHH6LMspkkkj1X7RBLcCyARfwfECuI1Vc/s1600/Deep+dark+dark.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Exploring Hawaii, 2012</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My swimming instructors would remind us that the human body was not built for swimming. As we evolved, our bodies evolved to be land dwellers, upright walkers and runners. Thus, we needed to relearn a skill using a body unoptimized for it. This was shared to encourage us.<br />
<br />
In our modern, evolved lives, have we also deselected for long attention spans, proclivities to silence? I might enjoy an evening ritual in which darkness reigns and quietness abounds. Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-51110876207350310612013-02-23T10:12:00.000-08:002013-04-17T20:50:13.405-07:00Roused to captureI usually don’t mind getting up in the mornings, and often sense the
time to arise. But when my alarm chirped this morning, I was surprised
by how early it felt. I thought for a second that I set the clock wrong
the night before. Or that maybe an imp meddled as I was deeply dreaming
in slumber. Like usual, I ran late, bolted from the house and
hurry-jogged to catch my bus.<br />
<br id="yiv846163700yui_3_7_2_17_1361296497272_54" />
On
my commute, I just sat. No reading, no games, no thoughts. I kept my
eyes unfocused. I tried to just be, come into the morning. The gray sky
made this easy. Stopped at a red light, I noticed a young construction
worker raised in a basket lift at a construction site, the metal of his
temporary prison painted orange-red. On the sidewalk,
the engine of the lift was demarcated with orange traffic cones, with
streams of caution tape stretched between each one. The worker donned a
bright orange hoodie, not his uniform, but his fashion choice for the
day. An old, abandoned brick building stood behind the new construction.
On what would have been its windows, black-and-white photographs of
performers were installed, a dozen or so people blown up and suspended
in their art. As the lift moved the worker down to the earth, he moved
between the black-and-white artists, frozen in their performances, as if
greeting them or joining them in a quick duet. With the perspective I
had, the worker and the artists were the same size, interacting. Bright
orange life juxtaposed against flat monochromes.<br />
<br />
These are days I wish I
were a photographer, to capture these serendipitous images that do not
translate in paint, cannot be adequately described in words.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-33764945579048519582013-02-15T23:13:00.000-08:002013-10-30T12:49:34.938-07:00Saudade<br />
When we were kids, my sister and I would memorize our favorite quotes–from movies, from books, from television shows–and pull them out in context to whatever was being discussed. At our best, we’d have conversations in near-complete allusion. This morning in the shower, one of these sprung to mind, from <i>Field of Dreams</i>: “There comes a time when all the cosmic tumblers click into place and the universe opens itself up for a few seconds to show you what’s possible.”
<br />
<br />
I’ve been feeling restless. I’ve been missing my sister. Coincidentally, she sent me a text last week, a one-liner from a bad soap opera that has cracked us up for over 25 years. I’ve been thinking about sports we played as kids, in the cul-de-sac of Cabrillo Ave. I’ve been wondering what I will do this year, from fun excursions to big-picture goals. <br />
<br />
I am reading Patti Smith’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Just Kids</i>, her account of life with Robert Mapplethorpe. By page
20, she tells of her commitment to becoming an artist, at age 19. I can’t say I
had that kind of clarity when I was that age, even though I had taken formal
classes and won art scholarships. I can’t say I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> that kind of clarity, even now. </br>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gallery.photo.net/photo/8133121-md.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="http://gallery.photo.net/photo/8133121-md.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Work like a slave ... create like a god." -Brancusi, whose <i>The Kiss</i> is shown above. <br />
(It reminds me of falling in love in Paris in 1998.) </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: small;">But I’m working. And that’s the point, isn’t it? To work and
work through, and perhaps uncover tiny glints of what's possible.</span>
Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-56801600105669168792013-01-29T14:40:00.001-08:002013-06-22T09:40:47.014-07:00Art lessonsPainting is TOUGH. I experience so many critical moments that end in "F*CK!"—total frustration. But at those rare moments of complete flow—when the work <i>works </i>and everything seems to click and move in unity—my heart sings.<br />
<br />
It is managing these arbitrary events that makes a painter an artist. When does one push ahead? When does one stop? When does one take distance? It's curious how our minds trick us. Some days, I'll look at a painting
and wonder why I stopped there. I can't see the harmony in it that once
was evident to me. Similarly, I think to how I have assigned inspiration
to something that was purely coincidental, or worse,
mistaken or misinterpreted. <br />
<br />
What exactly is inspiration?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://hafny.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/003_louise_sturges04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://hafny.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/003_louise_sturges04.jpg" height="442" width="550" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image by Louise Sturges, shown in Group Show 38 of the Humble Arts Foundation.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
At the end of a long painting session, my back hurts and my brain is
exhausted. I want nothing but to lie in a hot bath and stare at the
tiles. When I paint, I am reminded how stupid I can be, how much can be wrong, how chance can be more instrumental than skill or intention, how insignificant or life-changing a tiny mark can be, how beauty can be captured in the smallest things. <br />
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In short, when I paint, I feel humbled.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-92136659412294980462012-12-19T10:44:00.000-08:002012-12-19T10:44:32.221-08:00Shouts & whispers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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During a long weekend in Los Angeles, I spent an afternoon at the Getty. As I walked the galleries to see my <a href="http://www.getty.edu/art/gettyguide/artObjectDetails?artobj=258077&handle=li" target="_blank">usual favorites</a>, I discovered the incredible work of American photographer Ray Metzker. The placards alongside the pieces described his lifelong exploration of the medium, in form and in technique. <br />
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In his "Composites" series, he assembles dozens of tiny serial images to produce one work, some fairly abstract and graphic. Only when you stick your face a few inches from the print do you discover that they are tiny, tiny photographs, each holding its own wonder and mystery. Of these, I'd want to steal <i>Parking Pavilion</i> (1967).<br />
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The works that most enchanted me were from his "City Whispers" series. He captures the lonely, meditative expanse of urban living. The lightness and the darkness. The misery and the delight. (Shown above is <i>Philadelphia</i>, from 1980.)<br />
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I've added <a href="http://www.amazon.com/City-Stills-Ray-K-Metzker/dp/3791320025" target="_blank">this</a> to my wish list. Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-55320016439824268972012-11-29T09:38:00.001-08:002012-11-29T09:38:23.692-08:00Scraping down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every painting session begins with scraping down, removing old paint from my palette so I can start fresh, blank. I <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span> this ritual. I like seeing the sharp razor taking strips of paint from the glass. I like discarding the obsolete remnants from yesterday. When I approach a blank canvas, I feel a quickening in my body, from the excitement and fear of beginning again. Beginning again.<br />
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Scraping down my palette is the less terrifying practice of beginning again. It offers the freedom to be any kind of painter I want, for that day alone. I can be blue one day, and oranges the next. I can be thin as a wash or thick as paste.<br />
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I wonder what rituals other artists have, and whether they derive as much pleasure as I do with these practices.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6067106732332081474.post-49489949226409885442012-11-15T23:54:00.004-08:002012-11-15T23:54:59.817-08:00Patience, grasshopperI am not a patient person. If the bus GPS tells me that my ride is scheduled to arrive in 6 minutes, I wonder if I have time to get a cup of coffee. <br />
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Paradoxically, I have an inordinate amount of patience for art. I can spend hours slowly gently meticulously dabbing tiny bits of paint in a 2-inch area of canvas. I find stringing seed beads and kneading bread dough completely soothing.<br />
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Along the same vein, my favorite artists create works that unfold over time, "reward" me for sticking it out. Bill Viola is one such artist; his <i>Passage into Night </i>(2005, still shown above, courtesy of James Cohan Gallery, New York) is one such piece. It is melodic and mesmerizing. It also runs over 50 minutes. When I heard <a href="http://whitney.org/WatchAndListen/PublicPrograms?context=PublicProgram&play_id=116" target="_blank">him speak at the Whitney</a> in NYC, he talked a fair bit about his Buddhist practice. Even though I had been admiring him for years, and love the meditative (yet jarring) power of his installations, I had not even considered that he had a spiritual practice that directly informs his work. (I can be a little dense sometimes.) <br />
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Of course, powerful art comes from personal, passionate places.<br />
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It also arrives from patience, with the work, with oneself. I am writing this as a reminder note to myself, as anxiety builds because I've been away from my studio for almost 3 weeks.Hanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09652878329730550299noreply@blogger.com