Saudade


When we were kids, my sister and I would memorize our favorite quotes–from movies, from books, from television shows–and pull them out in context to whatever was being discussed. At our best, we’d have conversations in near-complete allusion. This morning in the shower, one of these sprung to mind, from Field of Dreams: “There comes a time when all the cosmic tumblers click into place and the universe opens itself up for a few seconds to show you what’s possible.”

I’ve been feeling restless. I’ve been missing my sister. Coincidentally, she sent me a text last week, a one-liner from a bad soap opera that has cracked us up for over 25 years. I’ve been thinking about sports we played as kids, in the cul-de-sac of Cabrillo Ave. I’ve been wondering what I will do this year, from fun excursions to big-picture goals.

I am reading Patti Smith’s Just Kids, her account of life with Robert Mapplethorpe. By page 20, she tells of her commitment to becoming an artist, at age 19. I can’t say I had that kind of clarity when I was that age, even though I had taken formal classes and won art scholarships. I can’t say I have that kind of clarity, even now.

"Work like a slave ... create like a god." -Brancusi, whose The Kiss is shown above.
(It reminds me of falling in love in Paris in 1998.)

But I’m working. And that’s the point, isn’t it? To work and work through, and perhaps uncover tiny glints of what's possible.